Now, you and I both know that autism doesn't look like anything but really cute kids. Now, most people who work extensively with kids on the spectrum, including their parents, gain a sort of sixth sense about autism...an autism radar, if you will.
Now, no one has ever suggested that Jack wasn't autistic in their comments to me, but that's not even the point. The point is that the general public believes that autistic children cannot be happy, they cannot love, and they cannot make connections and care for others. That is simply untrue.
It shows me each time that a person makes an off-handed comment that we have so much educating to do, especially when I hear these fallacies...
1. Autistic children aren't happy. Quite honestly, this is something I hear so often, yet I don't understand why anyone would think this way. Nowhere in the DSM does it state that children with autism can't be happy. Even parents of children with other disabilities will tell me that they are surprised to hear that Jack has moderate autism, because he looks happy. Well, happiness - or a lack thereof - has NOTHING to do with autism.
2. Autistic children never make eye contact. Not necessarily. Again, nowhere in the DSM does it say that a child with autism never makes eye contact. In fact, I've never met a child on the spectrum who has never looked someone in the eye. What is far more common is fleeting eye contact and avoiding eye gaze, particularly in stressful situations or up close.
3. "But he's so cute!" I know that this should be obvious, but being cute doesn't preclude you from being disabled. I might be biased, but some of the cutest kids I know have special needs. In fact, I think that autistic kids have one thing absolutely in common...they are some of the most beautiful children you'll ever meet!
4. Autistic children aren't affectionate. Not necessarily. Jack's not affectionate, but that's not to say that other children on the spectrum aren't. In fact, I've known many autistic children who are cuddle bugs. There are no absolutes in autism. None.
5. Autistic children aren't empathetic. I've written about autism and empathy before (if you want to read my thoughts on this, click HERE), but I think that people have an incorrect internal definition of empathy. What people want to know is this...do autistic children feel love? I'd argue yes. They might not be able to identify it as that particular emotion, nor might they express it in the ways that NTs do, but that doesn't mean that they do not LOVE. It's there. I've felt it. (Read THIS to see why.)
Really, there are so many permutations of this same scenario that play out day by day by day. We hear people who have no understanding of autism or it's actual presentation. Autistic children are all geniuses. Autistic children are all cognitively impaired. Autistic children cannot speak.
Again, it's the absolutes. There are no absolutes when it comes to autism, with the exception of the broad categories of core impairments in communication, socialization, and the presence of repetitive behaviors and/or restricted interests. The actual presentation of those characteristics varies, but none of our kids does all of the things that people think of when they think of autism.
That's why we must keep educating. We must keep showing the world the reality of autism. Our children need this. We cannot allow stereotypes to define them. We have to help our children define their autism.