Why I'm Not Hoping that the Royal Baby is Autistic...

On one hand, I get what they're trying to say.  Talk about awareness, right?  I think that parents of autistic children think - or maybe just hope - that the world might be a different place for our kids with the arrival of an autistic royal.

I think that - if we're honest with ourselves - that wish is probably just wishful thinking.  I'm not sure that an autistic Prince will make much of a difference in the way that our children and autistic adults are treated.  In the end, the royal family has championed many causes - from childhood hunger to eradicating land mines - and the world hasn't latched on to those.  People have wanted to emulate Kate Middleton's wedding gown, her engagement ring, and scores were waiting to name their children (no joke) until they heard what the Royal Baby was named.  However, as optimistic as I would like to be, I can't see the world changing the way it views disabled individuals based solely on the diagnosis of William and Kate's baby.

It wouldn't be as if the Royal Baby would be the first baby with a political connection to have a disability.  Trig Palin was a 4-month old with Down Syndrome during his mother's vice presidential campaign.  Former presidential nominee hopeful Rick Santorum's 3-year old daughter is diagnosed with Trisomy 18.  I haven't seen the Republican Party suddenly do an about face on disability issues, like bolstering SSI or Medicaid.  

We can all name celebrities with children on the spectrum.  Think Holly Robinson Peete.  Sylvester Stallone.  Dan Marino.  Toni Braxton.  John Travolta.  And, of course, Jenny McCarthy.  We have yet to see Earth-shattering (or meaningful, taking Jenny M. into account) advocacy efforts arise out of any of these celebrities that have fundamentally shifted how the public perceives individuals with autism.  Even Holly Robinson Peete, who - in my opinion - has done some of the best advocacy of any celebrity parent of an autistic child, has been unable to enact that kind of change with her efforts.  In my very honest opinion, I don't think one parent or one child - no matter how famous - can change the mindset of the world.

That said, I also think it's just wrong to wish a disability on anyone - particularly a brand-new baby.

It's not because I think that the lives of autistic individuals are tragedies.  Really, I don't.  What I do know is that life isn't always easy for individuals on the spectrum.  As a mother to another mother, even one as famous as Kate Middleton, I don't wish her child a difficult life.

A lot goes into raising an autistic child.  While William and Kate might have plenty of money to finance the kind of therapy and educational opportunities the rest of us can only dream of, that doesn't mean that it won't still be a life of trial and error and therapy and special education for their child, just as it is for ours.  That child will still struggle with social difficulties, communication, and sensory issues, only he will do so under the microscope of the world of the royal family.  I simply can't imagine Jack living that kind of life without feeling overwhelmed all of the time.

As for Kate...well...as a mother I would sympathize with her.  Whenever any mother tells me of their child's recent diagnosis - whether it be the first diagnosis they face or whether this is their 4th autistic child - I can't help but feel a slight pang of pain for that woman.  I do because I remember that fear and uncertainty that comes with that diagnosis and the evaluations to follow in those initial stages.  It is difficult to hear your child's challenges enumerated to you.  I would feel for Kate, because being a Duchess and the future Queen of England does nothing to lessen that blow.

Then, Kate must go about the monumental task of parenting her autistic child - a task that will be fundamentally not too unlike that which we all undertake - but she must do so under not only the public eye, but the judgment of the royal family of which she is joined by marriage.  I can only imagine the way in which Kate will receive some of the same criticism from family - the accusations over who and what caused her child's autism, ridiculous as they may be - but the family that will be making those judgments holds enormous power over her.  She may face a royal family that wants to keep the child hidden away, all while she wants her child to be embraced and accepted.  No amount of money will help her with that.

In a perfect world, I would like to think that one high-profile celebrity can change the way people think, but I don't believe that to be the case.  Fundamentally, I think we are too distant from celebrities to connect with them in such a way as for them to truly shape mindsets beyond fads and fashion.  I've written about this before, but the real instrument of change is US.  You see, it takes making those connections between your children and others that changes the way people think.  Introducing your child to your neighbor will have a greater impact than the Duchess of Cambridge ever will.

It might be nice to think that Kate Middleton might change the way people think, but that's just a pipe dream.  The person who can effectively create change in the world of your child is YOU.  Get out there and make it happen.

As for Kate, I wish her all of the happiness in the world as she starts the most important role of her life - that of a mother.  I don't wish any difficulty for her or her new baby boy; I hope their lives are a fairy tale, because those fairy tales give us something to dream about and wish for when we are young.

And I know that just like you or I, she will love her son with all of her heart, no matter what comes their way.